**Thoughts Of Taris** #30..  

**Thoughts Of Taris**#30…

Hey all, 

I know this is a late blog post. It is 9:24pm and I am kind of in my feelings. Here is why…

After reading a couple of my love poems, it didn’t feel right. I don’t feel the love when I speak them. I don’t feel the love even when I look at them. I guess I never felt true love because if I did, my poems would be deeper. I feel like love poems comes from within and you just don’t write them out the blue. Now that I think about it, I only have one love poem that I can feel from within. That is called “My First Love”…. That poem is actually on SoundCloud. 

Listen to My First Love.3gp by Taris DidThat #np on #SoundCloud

I put it out on SoundCloud, because I felt it was good and it was the Truth. I have poems about loving myself. Of course, I can feel those from WITHIN. I think every one who I have dated has been a lesson. Every person I’ve dated (DATED DATED!!!!), I have been a blessing towards them. It is not a bad thing well, for them nor for me either. It is just a concern. It is a concern because I am always giving myself away. I know some of you can probably relate to that. Rather it is money, sex, gifts, food, ect. I always GAVE without EXPECTING a dime back. I guess that is just the person I am. 

When I am home alone, I sometimes feen for love. I try not to contact my ex because you know how that goes. They try to blame everything on you to make you feel worse. I don’t have time for that mess. I wonder “What is love”?

When couples break up why don’t they both take the blame for their actions? (Instead of blaming just one person.) I think that is why marriages don’t really come about. Its always “THE OTHER PERSON”!! We love pointing the finger but, we shouldn’t do that at all. 

I sometimes feel like the Universe hears me even when I don’t speak. The universe knows what I need and knows what to bring to me.It is pretty unpredictable but, I feel like the signs are there. Sometimes I feel like the signs disappear because I miss them. Sometimes I might block those signs. One thing I will not do is date someone because others want me too. It will never work. Well, NEVER SAY NEVER. (JUSTIN BEIBER voice)…I talk to God from time to time about love. I don’t think he hears me at all.  It just doesn’t feel the same. I feel like since I am not stable enough it won’t happen. Maybe it would. ONE DAY. Some males or females try to play that “ROLE” of being with me. It only lasts for months. No one has ever lasted with me for at least 2 or 3 years. I sometimes think its me. Maybe my expectations are high. I never really brought anyone around my family. I feel no one is cut out for it. I only let one female meet my step-dad. She blew me over because she said I was too clingy. So now, when I go into dating other people I become distant and then makes them feel UNWANTED. This is just all confusing to me. I try not to focus on relationships so much. I just focus on my goals. I feel like a relationship will bring me away from them. I don’t want that. Maybe I am scared or worried that I might actually find TRUE LOVE in a UNEXPECTED time. It might be weird. You know what they say, that person is always in front of you? But, “Who?”…. Well, love is just a word for me right now. Success is my language right now. Maybe if I had some one like a business partner always by myside that would help. Idk. I am just in my feelings. These are my thoughts. I have school tomorrow. So, carry on and goodnight.!!!